Every time I talk about decluttering and reducing physical stuff, someone asks what to do with the sentimental stuff they’ve kept. It’s the thing I’m asked about most … and yet, it’s the last thing I want to talk about.
Everyone has things they are attached to — mementos from their past and the people they hold dear.
Maybe it’s your grandmother’s silver bracelet, a painting from your parents’ home, a baby blanket, love letters or old family photographs.Whatever “it” is, everyone has something (maybe many things) that can be classed as sentimental.
I used to get uncomfortable because it seemed like people were expecting me to tell them to get rid of those things. To challenge them on whether they actually needed them. To (not so gently) encourage them to just ditch it even though they’re attached to it.
But I don’t do that.
I don’t tell people to get rid of their sentimental stuff. I don’t give them a hard time about what they choose to keep.
Surprised? Were you expecting tough talk about how to get over your attachment to this stuff and just throw it away?
That’s what most people expect especially now that minimalism’s become sexy. But I’m not interested in minimalism for minimalism’s sake. I never have been.
I simplify because I want to enjoy life more. I reduce my possessions so I can live happily in a smaller house with well-made items I love — and not go broke trying to keep up with the latest thing.
I choose to be intentional about what I have in my home so I can create an environment where my family and I thrive. That’s why I teach people to declutter their stuff.
So what does that have to do with how to deal with your sentimental stuff?
Everything.
The goal isn’t to have no stuff
Stuff isn’t the enemy here. We all need material things. And it’s fine to enjoy the things we have. In fact, I think it’s essential.
The idea isn’t to get rid of everything and just make do with the bare essentials in a self-flagellating way.
The goal is to have things that matter — things that you enjoy, things that make your life better, things that make your life truly easier. It’s to consciously choose what you own so you don’t end up unconsciously spending your time and energy — your life — caring for things that don’t matter. Because that would be a waste.
When you look at your stuff from this perspective, two things happen:
- You evaluate sentimental stuff the same as anything else you own because you expect all of your stuff to be worth owning and looking after
- You decide that not all your stuff — sentimental or not — makes the cut
This shift was life-changing for me. I went from being someone with stuffed closets and just-in-case supplies for almost anything to someone who sheds first and acquires second.
Keeping things because they make your life meaningfully better changes the conversation you’re having with yourself. And it makes it much easier to decide what to keep and what to let go — sentimental stuff included.
But it takes time to get comfortable with looking at your stuff this way and that’s why I don’t think it’s helpful to ask what to do with sentimental stuff right away.
If you’re going to declutter successfully, don’t start with sentimental stuff. Click To TweetDon’t start with the sentimental
No matter how much easier it is with a new perspective or the right questions, decluttering sentimental stuff is still not easy at first. It’s not Decluttering 101. It’s an advanced maneuver.
Because as much as you ultimately use the same approach to deciding, the stuff itself is different in a couple of important ways — and those ways make it harder to deal with.
- Sentimental stuff is irreplaceable. We all know this … and it’s why people are reluctant to let anything sentimental go. The stakes are a lot higher if you make a mistake because you can’t get another one.
- Keepsakes and mementos are also part of your identity. Not because the objects themselves are necessarily special, but because of the meaning we give them. Every item has a story of who you are attached to it. That’s why we’re attached to things.
But that doesn’t mean you should keep everything.
The solution isn’t to never deal with clutter — the solution is to cut your decluttering teeth on easier stuff. Declutter things you’re not so attached to first. Practice recognizing how you feel about an item and evaluating whether it’s important in your life, learn how to let things go in general … before tackling your sentimental stuff.
For now, just set aside your sentimental stuff.
Let yourself get the hang of this decluttering thing. Don’t worry about what you’re going to do with the sentimental stuff yet. Learn to make decisions with the non-sentimental. Then it will be easier to see what’s important for you to keep. Most people have plenty of other stuff to clear out before doing the most difficult things.
Over to you
Do you often wonder what to do with keepsakes, photographs and such? What could you do differently now? I’d love to hear from you.
And if you’d like to hear more about the specifics of dealing with sentimental stuff, pop your name and email address into the box below to get free exclusive content — and an invitation to free Q+A sessions — that I only send via email.
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Hi Donna, We recently moved my mother to a new home and threw out most of the ‘junk” she had. What is sentimental to one person, is another’s junk. Honestly, we got rid of 90%. No one wanted anything. It is now that thought I have when I look at what I want to keep verses would my kids want it 20 years from now? Probably not. I still have a small box of baby clothes that I cannot throw out. When we moved to Germany two years ago I even got rid of my wedding dress (read: I will never be a size 6 again). I felt good about that decision. Out with the old, on with the new. Great article. Thanks. Paula
Thanks Paula. I totally agree that what’s precious to one person isn’t to another … for all sorts of reasons. There’s more coming on that very topic. There’s so much more going on with our sentimental items than we realize.
This is really reassuring Donna thank you.
Last year I inherited my parents’ home and therefore a lot of ‘stuff,’ some of it sentimental and some not. I’ve been working through it slowly and am keeping those things I love and that have an interesting story. If I’m not sure, I’ve put them on one side for now, probably to be sold later. As you say the goal isn’t to have no stuff, but that which matters.
A friend suggested taking photos of things you sell and I can see that working, but then it’s another photo in with the thousands of others….
I’m glad you found it helpful, Lesley.
Definitely going through your parents’ things is a process. After a loss, it’s best to go through things in multiple ‘passes’ because there’s more being processed in those moments than just a decision about what to keep. Over time, you can winnow out the things that no longer have meaning – as your relationship to them changes. Much more to say on this topic a couple of posts from now.
And I agree about not taking photos of things and then adding a new photo to the pile. It has always felt to me like trading one thing I have to manage for another.
Oh Donna . as ever so relevent and helpful. Minimalism so often gets muddled into the decluttering message and is for me so unhelpful. And doing the easy stuff, letting go of what you can with ease, as taught by your very own self, has done wonders for me.
So glad to have helped Kate.
Yes, it is important to say that you don’t have to be a minimalist to declutter. The decluttering journey is definitely best begun with the things you know you’re done with and can release with ease.
Great article Donna – spot on! I’ve been doing a bit of decluttering, with my sisters, in my mother’s Victorian home, where I grew up and where she still lives in London. We came across some amazing ‘finds’, from dad’s old shed, which we are now creating the perfect storage for. As for the rest of stuff, much of which belong to me and my 5 sisters, have been banned from the house, donated, sold off or simply given away. Now the sentimental stuff can ‘shine’!
So glad you’re making your sentimental stuff shine Mary – that’s fab. When we shed the excess and the stuff we don’t care about, then we can fully enjoy the items that truly matter to us. Love it!
Donna, what a great post and a huge relief I image to those who are scared of starting to de-clutter. I come from a family where my Dad hoarded stuff, so ever since leaving home at 18 (many moons ago) I value an uncluttered space.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t have a shelf full of books and other sentimental things!
Ah Kate I hear you. I’m glad to say that I’ve mellowed over the years and interestingly in writing these posts I’ve come to see how many sentimental things I do actually have. I’m just using them – so I don’t worry about what to do with them. They are serving a purpose.
Great post Donna, and I’m going to share it on my Facebook page. The chapter on clutter clearing turned out to be one of the most popular in my book ‘Spirited Ageing’. It’s such an issue for older people, and your approach is both compassionate and wise. I think my readers will appreciate this.
Thank you Juliet. I’m glad you found it useful – and I hope your readers will as well. Clutter clearing is a hot topic for lots of people, and I’m often disappointed to see how flippantly it’s treated.
So appreciate your perspective on all this, Donna. It’s very, very helpful right now, as we prepare to move in the coming months. Also really appreciate how you describe tackling the sentimental stuff as an advanced practice, and point towards easier places to start.
Keeping things simple makes me feel good–makes my life and mind work better and brings a greater sense of ease. And yet, I love how you aren’t all about “minimalism for minimalism’s sake”. There’s care, mindfulness and a sense of thoughtful, intentional action in your guidance.
I imagine that some people (maybe even me!) are ready to let go of some of the sentimental stuff (while still holding onto the stories and memories)…and are wanting “permission” from an expert like you. I’m glad that you don’t take handing out such permission lightly…and instead encourage us to look inward for our answer of whether or not to let go.
I’m so glad you found it helpful Dana – and thank you for your thoughtful comments.
For me the whole process of creating a physical space that supports your life is about having what makes you feel good. It all steams from being intentional with your space in the same way one might be with their diet or their friends or other areas of life.
So yes, I’m happy to give people permission to release what they no longer need and what no longer feels important in their lives — I just don’t find it helpful to tell other people what they “should” or “shouldn’t” keep.